what happens when there are two elephants in a room

looking at you is like looking into a fan on a hot day
it’s a relief because the fan makes it so much cooler
but i can’t really look because it stings.
so i close my eyes and think of going to the pool instead
but then i remember the lifeguards and feel like i’m drowning.

when someone yells and it echos through a room
i can never tell where the direct sound came from
and every echo is mocking me and reminding me
that i can’t really distinguish between what’s real and what’s not 
and the reverberation explains all these headaches. 

sometimes i sit around and write my name backwards
because it’s less deceiving that way
kayla, she’s got it all together and she’s moving forward
alyak, what does that even mean i don’t get it
yeah, alyak, that’s exactly right

i touch my arms and legs and hips when i’m alone
trying to figure out why everyone else likes to touch them so much
but i can’t figure it out because people don’t regard touches
like cats and dogs regard being pet 
or maybe we do, but i think that’s out of context

when i’m drowning in a pool of water and lifeguards
and my cries for help echo throughout the room
i imagine my name backwards in my head
so when they touch my hips and my legs and my arms to save me
i can figure out whether they’re really saving me

or not.

i’m sick of breaking hearts

hey hey i really wanna know your name
it’s on the tip of my tongue
it’s like i’ve seen you once
or maybe twice
but i just can’t remember

hey hey you’re really sweet
and i love how you love
but i hate that it’s me
and i’m so sorry
your heart won’t let you be

hey hey god you’re so pretty
you’re a diamond refracting light
you’re a symmetrical polygon
you’re a complex formula 
golly gee thank you but I, uh-

hey hey i really wanna know your name
your face was in my dreams
i’ve seen you before
i just can’t think about it
i don’t know what that means.

hey hey i’m not what you think
and you just won’t listen
because the me in your head
is who brings you home
so i’m sneaking out of your fucking bed.

hey hey yeah i get it man
you’d build bridges for me
you’d buy the world for me
but giving to me is like giving to charity
because neither of us are real

hey hey we’re not gonna make it
because i still wanna know his name
but i can’t introduce myself
because i don’t know mine
and i’m addicted to this lie.